Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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