dude i'm inner monologue high
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
