I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize