He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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