and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sext me about skeletons
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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