what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
