i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
