This is not my ceiling
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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