someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
