dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
