i wish there were pregnant emoticons
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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