God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
