then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
