SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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