there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When are your genitals available?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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