awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
