Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize