Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
