saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
