fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
