I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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