He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
