there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
