I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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