Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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