Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
