you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
