i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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