Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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