a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Found your dick twin last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
