I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
