ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize