Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
