kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
