Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
