cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
