I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
