I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
