i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am available for nakedness
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize