I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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