update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
