I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my shit smells like andre
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
