I'm drive I can fine osifer
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
