TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I want a musical about memes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
