Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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