Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize