a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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