I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
