they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
MIDGETS
????
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize