I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
