Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize