The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
