TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
