Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
