I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
