I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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