I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
we should paint friendship bongs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
