walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
