the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
