do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dicks are not precious.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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