i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
