I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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