So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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