We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
