I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
