At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
