I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
