She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You pole danced in your parka.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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