Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
