we have pet lesbian snakes
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
