I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
