Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
