she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
