she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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