My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
