Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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