I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
