the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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