i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Found the puke drawer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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