Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
