im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
