I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
