Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I want her autograph on my taint
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
