Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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