Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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