i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
