you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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